dogs Archives - Too Lazy To Write A Book

For the most part, I’ve enjoyed working from home these past few months.

I do miss the camaraderie and energy of an office, especially the visceral appeal of working with a physically present team. My wife has valiantly attempted to recreate that atmosphere, primarily by hosting her constant Zoom meetings without headphones. In an aural sense, she’s brought her own office’s open floor plan into my living room, and I now know more about her co-workers than my own kids. John, if you were wondering, had a fantastic weekend.

But the warm weather has allowed me to turn my back porch into a virtual office for the summer, and it’s been a pleasant experience overall.

What’s been most surprising, however, is my discovery of this gigantic ecosystem that has lived around my house during weekday hours. There’s an entire world of creatures, cultures and processes that dominate the daylight hours from Monday-Friday of which I was entirely unaware. Some examples:

The family of deer that have decided to use my yard for a daily snack, including three young fawn that are cute enough to star in their own sitcom
The chipmunk that scurries up to my back door each day and stares at me for 15 minutes, hoping to snag a piece of my english muffin
The colorful assortment of birds that don’t seem to mind my presence, and like to greet me with a few songs that I swear sound a little like the keyboards in Gary Numan’s “Cars”
The UPS delivery worker, secretly dropping treats to all the eager dogs outside on his route
And the lawnmowers…the constant scream of lawnmowers, usually maximized right at the moment my conference call begins. Those I could do without.

All of these have represented daily checkpoints to me, a comforting routine of experiences that gives the day some structure.

But one unlikely visit has become the favorite part of my day. I truly look forward to it, and stop whatever I’m doing so I can watch the consistent-but-still-surprising action unfold.

It’s the moment each day when a young boy walks onto the middle of my yard, and watches his dog take a shit.

The first time we knew for certain that he loved us, we could see it in his eyes. From that point on, things moved slowly…a warm greeting here, a tender embrace there. Then, rather abruptly, things turned physical, as passion overtook him. And love, it turns out, is an enormous pain in the ass.

My dog, you see, is a humper. A proud and energetic one. And while we appreciate his dedication, we’d much prefer he take his cues from the romantics and express his love with a bit more subtlety. And now, with his heart recently broken, we fear the worst is yet to come.

For those who’ve yet to encounter his love and affection, Chauncey is a very large 80 pound Goldendoodle with long skinny legs that cling to objects tighter than Saran Wrap. He is also friendly, energetic, and a little demanding, which means that once you’ve become the apple of Chauncey’s eye, his love is more than expressed. It is felt, usually on your leg or around your torso. Continue reading