February 2020 - Too Lazy To Write A Book

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On a blustery summer day, as I stood somewhere between the bouncy house and the block party’s food table, a group of three young girls sheepishly approached me… but were clearly more focused on my dog Chauncey. They stood a few careful feet away, staring only slightly above eye-level at my dog, who obediently if impatiently stood by my side. After a brief conference, one emboldened girl stepped forward, a cautious advance to establish her leadership credentials. She gazed at Chauncey, her eyes a bit widened, before looking up at me.

“Excuse me sir,” she queried. “Can we pet your pony?”

——-

Chauncey was big.

He was officially a Goldendoodle by breed, a hypoallergenic cross between a Golden Retriever and a Standard Poodle that had quickly become cliched by its status as a suburban designer dog breed. Chauncey was a bit different, bred from a Standard Poodle mother and a Goldendoodle dad, which seemed to elongate his legs. The breeder online listed him as “slightly above average” in size, which would only be true if the average height of a Goldendoodle was similar to a supermodel. Before long, we began to realize that our kitchen table would peak well below our dog’s eye-line, leaving most of our meals extremely vulnerable to direct attack.

No matter. Chauncey became an instant member of the family. My kids, initially terrified of the excitable and nippy pup that we brought home one evening, soon learned to love the gentle giant that grew in its place. My daughter in particular became inseparable from her new canine companion. She wrote elementary school fables about his evening adventures working the overnight shift at Taco Bell, and painted regal portraits of his face that admired his presence and stature.

In the spirit of over-sharing that is this website, I thought I’d post the text from a recent short “speech” I gave in front of about 100 forgiving witnesses.

It’s part of a cool new project launched by my friend Robin Weinberg, who has an Oral History Master of Arts degree from Columbia and is clearly much smarter than me. It’s called WestportVoices, and it is a collection of local community members willing to share their personal stories and spark conversations. The first theme is centered around stories of Transformation, and most of them are incredibly moving, emotional and inspiring.

My story isn’t.

But Robin thought my current personal and professional changes would make for an interesting segment, so I agreed to participate. She interviewed me (along with nine other much more compelling subjects) and posted the audio highlights online and at the Westport Library. You can visit the site here.

Robin also asked several of us to speak at a launch event at the Library last month, and I thought I’d take that opportunity to update my transformation journey. The gist: my midlife crisis has now officially expanded (mostly around my waistline). Read on, please.